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One thing my journey thought self exploration has taught me, is that no matter what you do in life there will be those who are going to run you down. Accepting that is one of the hardest this I've ever had to do.
An example would be my weight. I probably well about 200 lbs and wear a size 16-20 depending on the maker of the clothes. A few years ago I decided that I really needed to lose weight. I went vegetarian and exercised 45 minutes every morning at the local gym and walked in the evening. I even RAN. I got down to a size 8 in off the rack Levi Jeans. Because my max weight has been 400 lbs, I have a lot of loose and saggy skin. The less fat under that skin the more saggy I became. I had floppy breasts and a flat butt. I didn't "feel" sexy. But everyone always said, oh you look so good. You're so fit. I bet you're so happy now. And I wasn't. I hated myself. I was spending 2-3 hours a day on something that was making me unhappy.
Hubby got me a DNA test kit for my birthday. As I uploaded my DNA to several sites to see where I came from, what kind of diseases I was prone to, I stumbled across a very interesting piece of information. People with my DNA have to exercise 90% harder and 90% more often to get 50% of the results as someone without my DNA. This is why all the people in my family were larger. Our DNA made us larger.
I decided one day that I didn't want to spend 2-3 hours working out. I would rather spend that time with my hubby. I would rather read a book, or make jewelry. So that's what I did. Yes, I weight more, and people judge me. They look at what I used to look like and what I look like now and asked me things like, "Why are you fat now?" "What happened?" "Did you get lazy?"
Yes, I am fat now, What happened was I opened my eyes and realized that fitting into a size pants only matters if it matters to you. Did I get lazy? Well, people who know me, know my schedule and what I do, I think they know the answer for that. Take a moment and decide what is right for you. If fitting in the lowest size you can is what you need to do, go for it. Just give other people the same courtesy.
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