Monday Meditation - Self Love

One of the most difficult things in my life that I have ever tried to overcome is my low self esteem. I am a people pleasure.  All my life has been me trying to be everything for everyone else, while not being enough for myself.  I spent so much of my time trying to be perfect. I would try to learn everything I could about a class BEFORE taking the class so I would know what the class was about before taking it.  The pressure I put on myself was  unbearable. It was obvious of the pain I was in just by looking at my health.

Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson

While reading The Art of Living by Thich Nhat Hanh, I found the following paragraph profound:

People who are not at peace with their lives tend to let their minds wander back to moments that have passed and are filled with remorse and regret. Those with self-esteem issues dwell on things that people have said to them and feel worse about themselves because they let these thoughts and actions penetrate and become more important than the actual reality.

I spent so much of my time in future worrying about things that hadn't happened yet, based on experiences I had from the past. I was already failing at a new thing because I felt I failed (which really means, it wasn't perfect) at something in the past. I think we are all hard on ourselves, but I believe I took mine to a degree of self abuse.

An example of this is my drawing.  I always felt I wanted to draw but when I would draw I would berate myself.  Nothing was good enough. I would compare myself to other artists even though I had only been drawing a few months.  Earlier this week I took a look at one of my old drawings. I really did a great job. I love this one. So much so that I might even pick up the pencil again. I need to love myself and stop looking for approval from other people.  I need to be ok, with who I am and where I am in my life.

Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson
Artwork - Maiden, Mother & Crone

I found a few videos that are helpful on this type of self work.  The first is to stop looking for approval from other people.

The second is a mediation to learn self compassion.

Learning to love yourself is hard. It isn't something we're all born doing as second nature. For me, I am still working on this. I want to be the best I can be for me. I want to be strong, healthy and happy.  Most of all, happy.