Pagan Blog Project 2013 - C is for Closet

Closets are interesting little spaces. They are boxes designed for storage, or tucking away those little things that usually are not shown when company comes over.  There are all sorts of closets.   We have closets for LGBT that hide and sometimes protect people from being hurt.  We have broom closets that tuck away witches from public view.

At times closets can be a safe haven.  We go toss those things that we want to hide deep in the back.  We don our moral camouflage and go out into the world pretending to be something presentable.  Something acceptable.  Our closets hide those things that we use to hurt ourselves. 

This week I found myself in the closet from two prospective.  I do a lot to promote my shop.  I post on Facebook, wear my t-shirts around and sell on sites like e-Bay and Craig’s List.  Sunday night I sold a Wii to a very nice lady from Warsaw.  I sent her a text message that I was ready to meet her to drop off the Wii.  She replied with “I’ll be right there ~ yours in Christ”.   Immediately I reached for my pentacle and put it inside my shirt.  I did it without even thinking about it.  I didn’t want to jeopardize a sale because of any misconceived issues around my beliefs.

I have a solid basis for the belief that I will be looked at differently because of my faith.  Just recently I was told by the director of the Boys & Girls Club of Goldsboro that I would not “fit in” as a vendor at a local event. 

Even within the pagan community there are closets.  If you say the wrong thing, or challenge someone who considers themselves the “Supreme Witch”, you risk being blackballed, and shoved kicking and screaming into the outcast or “bad witch” club.  If you preach light and love all the time, you’ll be slapped with a “Fluffy Bunny” label and never be able to be taken seriously by those that believe differently.

I was faced this week, with learning that sometimes you have to come out of the closet.  Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself.  Even if that closet you’re in feels safe, people can still hurt you there.  Just the act of being in the closet, even if it’s a closet of your own design.  Even if it’s a closet that isn’t due to race or orientation.  Even if that closet, is just a place you go and hide when people hurt you.  Sometimes you MUST speak up and say, Hey, that’s not ok.  My feelings are hurt, and it’s not ok for you to do that.

I took a tiny step out and fought for myself this week.  I opened the door and shouted, it’s not ok!  It felt really good to defend myself.

Remember, as a survivor, we can allow others to push us around and even actively participate in being self-abusive.  Put that bat down, wrap your arm around yourself and squeeze.

You are worth it.

We are worth it.

I am worth it.

Namaste & Blessed Be!

Sosanna