So this is day two of me taking my vitamins again. For a long time now, probably about six months, I've been not eating the best in world and neglecting my exercise and vitamin routine.
I started taking them again yesterday and earlier this week I had hubby pick up 6 pieces of fruit for me. I used to eat that many pieces a day! I have to say it's been a very long time since I took care of myself. I was in a major mania since just before Thanksgiving. I always get a little whackadoodle around the holidays but this time it was really bad.
Hubby and I headed out on Thanksgiving and we had to turn around and come home due to panic attacks. We decided it was best if I stayed away from my family. I have a huge amount of guilt associated with it. But still it's probably for the best.
I got word yesterday that hubby will be working on Christmas day and my silly brain decided that I should go over to my Grandma's house. I know inside that's not the right decision. No matter what happens my brain will turn it around to a negative. If my sister speaks, I'll say she's putting on a front. If she ignores me I'll be hurt she didn't try. If she doesn't show, I'll judge it. There's really no reason to do all that stuff. I keep repeating the same behavior over and over.
So I've decided that this year, I'm not going to go. I'm going to stay home with my animals and just veg. Maybe I'll work on the shop, or practice my embroidery. I'm not going to go over there and feed that crazy monster any more.
Instead, I'm going to "try" (I know Yoda I know... Try NOT ... DO) to keep eating my fruits and getting my vitamins in me. Maybe the reason I'm on a sparkle now is because my diet is fubared. I need to keep my fruits coming in and stop eating so many carbs. Yeah that's the ticket.
Since my mother left I've gone from a size 10/12 back to a 12/14. I know not a HUGE difference but a big deal to me. Hubby confessed that he preferred a little meat on my bones so at least I know he's not completely grossed out by me.
(put the bat down)
So today I've had my breakfast and I'm on my third glass of water before 9:30 am. That's a good thing. I'm looking forward to the new year. Good things to come.
No one can take away from you what you do not give them. Do not give them the power to hurt you. Embrace the Sparkle.
Namaste & Blessed Be
Sosanna
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